no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
