Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
