My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
