it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
