my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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