Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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