The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
