A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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