Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
