Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i would one night stand the shit outta him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
