That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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