I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
