I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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