I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
