I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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