I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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