I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
