um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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