i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
