dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
