three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
