you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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