I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
