Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
