Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
