I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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