I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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