Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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