But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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