don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
