I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's shark week go big or go home
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
