it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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