I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
