I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
honey bunches of taint.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
