Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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