I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
