i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize