dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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