Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
