Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
