Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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