moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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