I want to walk on stilts...naked
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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