Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You're like the curious george of whores
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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