She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
two words...techno handjob
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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