just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
