His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
