I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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