How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
