He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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