I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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