If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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