her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
