It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Randomize
