if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
