woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
