i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
