i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
