I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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