my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
