I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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