Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
