You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going