Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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