It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM