We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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