He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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